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Run like wimps, lose like men

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:31 PM ET , Thursday, Nov 09, 2006

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Categories: Columns, Media: Left-Handed News, War-cast: Iraq, Politics: Redshift, The Left Wing



(Guest column by DaveLoneRanger, originally published under “vanity” status at FreeRepublic.com.)

Okay, so we lost. Republicans lost the House, maybe the Senate.

Buck up. Suck it up, admit defeat, shake hands with the winners, and get over it. Don't let yourself get into a snit about it. Don't give the liberals ammunition to mock you. They draw strength from your defeat.

The tendency after any loss is to place blame. It's one way we have of maintaining some measure of control over our situation; knowing and identifying the problem not only helps us avoid it in the future, but it gives us control and security. (I believe this is why global warming alarmists, and leftists in general always seek to place blame, but I digress.)

I'll admit, I was unrealistically optimistic. I thought that, despite all the shortcomings, Republicans would narrowly keep both House and Senate.

But yes, I'm going to place blame. It doesn't help; no matter who should have done what, this race is over. But we had better learn from our errors for the next race, or we'll merely repeat it. And we've made some humdingers.

The biggest mistake was in failing to wage the public relations war over Iraq. On this, I exclude few from being held responsible.

The media spun the Iraq war day in, day out. CodePink traitors and anti-war protestors splayed across our TV screens, and the “Bush lied” mantra broadcast to millions, no thanks to your mainstream media dinosaurs.

In short, the Iraq war cost us the House.

Don't get me wrong. The Iraq war was right. Our cause was right, our reasons were right, our decision was right.

What was WRONG was our response to critics. We had none.

For this I blame everyone. All the officials, anyway. Bloggers can only go so far. The House and Senate leaders failed to combat the lies. Bush, Rove, Frist, Hastert, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Snow, Mehlman, all failed to fight the lies. Hannity tried, but was too eager to jump on anything coming out of Iraq. Even Rush didn't demolish the lies like he could have.

The Democrats took up the Iraq war and made it their platform, their hill to die on. With the unprecented negativity in the media, the daily humdrum of anti-war sentiment, and little to no response from the Republicans, we let them win much of the public while we waged a war. We lost when we lost the Iraq PR war.

When the leftists bellowed that we needed more allies, we didn't respond. (Even though we had the aid and support of 30+ countries in the beginning.)

When they said we should give Hussein more time, we broadcast but didn't drive home the fact that Saddam defied 17 resolutions to disarm.

When protestors said this was an illegal war, we did not respond that we were acting out of National, as well as International interest, legally permissible under Resolutions 1441, and 660, which authorized the Gulf War.

When critics began the “Bush Lied” tirade after finding few weapons of mass destruction, hacking endlessly at the solid tree trunk of President Bush, we either ignored, waved away, or agreed with the leftists' assertions. All while they continued to hack, chip and chop.

When Democrats insisted that Saddam was not a threat, no one but bloggers aggressively attacked this flip-flopping lie. Few officials called Democrats on their own words.

Bush received approval bounces of four and five percent when he went on primetime TV and defended the war. How many times has he done that? Four or five. All while the media continued the flood of negativity. 24/7/365 coverage times four networks all bashing the war and broadcasting negative images, and yet I can count on my hand the times he hit back. Bush failed to wage the PR war. Admitting no WMD's and conceding intelligence failures was, is and remains Bush's worst error.

It's their own fault. It's our own collective fault. I have to accept blame just like the rest of Republicans, although in my own small way, I was trying to combat the myths.

Now we're not going to get down in the dumps about this. People I know, and — judging from responses I observe — Freepers, are becoming depressed. And I agree, this does not bode well for the country.

But while we ran like wimps, we must lose like men. Suck it up. Shake it off. Buck up. GET OVER IT. We will not become depressed, we're not going to invent conditions like Post-Election Selection Trauma, and we can't start whining, or join a cut-and-run movement.

We must learn our lessons, and plunge ahead. But we MUST LEARN OUR LESSONS.

And make dang sure we get a better head start on grooming our 2008 candidates, primarily our presidential candidate. Democrats will be using their 2006 momentum, their willing media compatriots, and ongoing media-perpetrated negativity to make a go at the White House.

Their ranks are forming and strengthening.

The time to prepare begins NOW.

Don't blow it.



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 10

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Saturday, Mar 25, 2006

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Categories: Columns, War-cast: Iraq



This is part 10 of the 10-part King-James-Version War on Iraq, leaving us poised in late 2003 as the 2004 presidential campaign began in all its glorious nastiness ...

Biblical War on Iraq — The Series:

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9


Chapter 10

Whereafter in the weeks following, it came to pass that the few men of the armies of Iraq, having been scattered to the deserts and to the tents in the wilderness, did come together as best as they could try, and with much passing of cash and hand grenades, did come against the armies of the West, and of the coalition.

And with many spears, and with armaments, they didst blow things up, and blew themselves up, and did shoot at the soldiers of the West, and their servants. And they killed many of their choice men, and did much evil in the sight of the LORD against the men and women of the armies of the West.

Therefore many of the criers of the newspapers of the West, and of many of the newspapers’ websites, did write many words, and them that ran the TV stations did put on their makeup, and sat down and did read from them that stood behind the cameras.

And they said in unison: “Nyah nyah nyah! The conquest of Iraq by the West hath failed, and nay, there never was a plan, and wherefore art the king of Iraq and his two sons anyway?

“For since the king of the West is a fool, he hath not thought wisely about the exit strategy, and neither can the fool armies of the West find the king of Iraq, neither his sons, and bring them to justice.”

Then the people who did eschew violence arose, one more time, and did doff their clothes, and go forth, saying out loud and with one accord, “Baghdad the great hath fallen, hath fallen, but lo! it will rise again!

“Woe! woe! museums have been looted, and having now the freedom of choice, the people of Iraq hath chosen evil, and will bring even more evil to the land than was when the king of Iraq sat upon the throne.

“Ho! ho! wherefore art Saddam, the king of Iraq? Wherefore art his two sons, Uday and Qusay? For even while they remain alive, them that fighteth against the armies of the West will continue thus, and all of the men and women of the armies of the West will die, die, die! And then there will be oil for the rich corporations, and for Halliburton, and much gold and silver for the pockets of Halliburton and of Cheney, also called Dick.”

Then did it come to pass, in the seventh month of that year, and on the twenty-second day, that word came from the commanders of the armies of the West, in the land of Iraq.

And the commanders wrote to the people, saying, “Be it known that in the seventh month, on the twenty-second day, that the men of the armies of the 101st Division of the Airborne, and of the Special Operations Forces, did rise up against the wicked servants of the former king of Iraq in the city of Mosul.

“Whereupon there was a great fight, and the men of the 101st and of the Special Operations Forces didst whoop some exceeding great butt. Four of the men of Iraq died, and among them were the two sons of Saddam, Uday and Qusay.”

Then did the commanders of the armies smear many colored substances on the bodies of the dead, and did make them out to be more handsome. Whereupon they showed them on TV for proof that they were dead, and to disprove the words of the criers, and of them that casteth off their garments in the streets.

Then it came to pass that George, the king of the West, and Dick, and Donald, and the other commanders of the armies of the West, did come together.

With one voice and in secret, they swore an oath, saying, “May the LORD deal with us ever so severely, if by this time next year we have not slayed Saddam Hussein, or else taken him prisoner, and then presented his face on national TV for all the Barbarians and Scythians to see, and perhaps be in great distress, for the king of Iraq hath fallen.”

And the months went by. With much effort, the men and women of the armies of the West, and of the coalition, made much progress in the land, and did restore water and electricity, and began work on the schools and the centers of learning.

While all throughout they bore with much longsuffering the deeds of the resistance, who with sword and with spear and by grenades did slay many of the armies of the West.

It came to pass in the eleventh month, on the day of thanksgiving set apart by the people of the West, that George did fly in secret to the land of Iraq, and did take everyone by surprise, even the criers, who by secret arts usually claimed to know all.

And so did George come into the mist of the armies of the West, and did speak many encouragements to them, and they rejoiced and were glad, and did clap and shout “Hoo-ah.” Whereupon did George finish talking and did come down among them, and did stand in line, and did serve them turkey.

And it came to pass, that on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, that men of the armies of the West went forth into the town of Tikrit, and did search in few of the tents of that town for the wicked men of the country.

Whereupon they came upon a secret door in the earth, and did uncover it, and did see two hairy arms come forth from the hole and wave about, and a voice said to them in Arabic, “Behold! I am Saddam Hussein, the king of Iraq, and therefore I beg you not to shoot.”

And the men of the West did not shoot, but hauled the king up out of there, and his countenance was worn, and very hairy.

Thus was Saddam, the evil king of Iraq, captured without battle, and after this the men of the armies took the fallen king to parts unknown, and he remaineth there to this day.

Then did it come to pass that Moammar, the king of Libya, did announce to the people, “Behold! Look, look here! I art getting rid of any weapons of mass destruction I might have, for, being of great wisdom, the people of Libya will have nothing to do with those old things, and do desire peace among the nations of the earth.”

And George and the rulers of the West were exceeding glad. But while being glad, they continued searching to and fro in the land of Iraq, for the secret weapons which they thought had lain there.

Then one called Howard, who came from the north of the West, did come forth, and did roll up his sleeves and get sweaty, and with smiling countenance said to the people, “Lo, the capture of the king of Iraq is no big deal, for being one with a beard he knows nothing, much like them that dwelleth in the south of the land of the West.”

Wherefore did the king of the West gird himself for battle against Howard, and against many of the other men of the West who did utter great blasphemies and whinings, and did speak with forked tongues.

Therefore, as the fourth year of his reign began, did George call together all of his servants, and his advisors, and Karl, his aide.

And George said to them, “Let us again call on the Name of the LORD, let us put our trust in Him, and let us give thanks for the victory, and call on His Name to help in the struggles which lieth ahead.

“For though by the grace of the LORD we have accomplished much, many other things remain. Only by more grace from the LORD will our work be in vain, for without Him can we do nothing.”

So the people of the West came together, and did offer up many a prayer, for the will of the LORD to be done in the land of the West, and in that of Iraq, and of the nations of the earth.

And their prayers continue even to this day.



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 9

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Thursday, Mar 23, 2006

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Categories: Columns, War-cast: Iraq



Now comes the second-to-last installment of this Shakespearean / “King James Version” of the 2003 Iraq war, bringing us now to the fall of Baghdad on April 9, 2003 — and then the (in-) famous “Mission Accomplished” speech aboard the aircraft carrier on May 1.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8


Chapter 9

And there was among them that dwelleth in Iraq, a man by the name of Muhammad Saeed al-Sahaf, who by much shrewd deception and swiftness of speech got up before the criers of the nations, and of the peoples of the nations of the east, and didst speak unto the peoples.

“The armies of the West have not come, neither have they made war against us,” saith Muhammad Saeed al-Sahaf. “Neither will they ever, for the armies of this land art a people to be feared, and we have already killed many of them of the West that speedeth across the desert.

“Lo! for being even panicked and cowardly, art they running from us now, and even now as I stand here before thee, I myself art chasing ten thousand of their strong men, and of their women also, and wilt smite them with the word of my mouth, and with my microphones.”

And in the ninth day of the fourth month of the reign of the king, it came to pass that the armies of the West, and of the coalition, did come into Baghdad and through its gates, even unto the center of the city itself.

Wherefore did they slay many of the wicked men of the land, and took others prisoner, and with many chariots of iron did they come.

And them that dwelleth in the city raised a great shout! Being exceeding glad, they did dance in the streets, and didst remove their sandals and slap them at the images of their king, and didst mocketh him and burn other likenesses of the king of Iraq thereof.

And being of great cheer did the people also come unto the shrines, and the high places, and the molten and graven images, and of the idols of the king. With great shouts of acclamation did they come unto the great idol of Saddam, and didst bring many chains, and many more sandals, to slap at the image wherewith.

Wherefore did the young and old men of Iraq fasten the wreathen chains to the statue, and with much strength, and with many sandals, did they rip it down from its pedestal.

And on the ground they didst behead the likeness of their fallen king, and their young men and their children didst drag the head through the streets, and did beat on it with their sandals, and wert pursued by at least about one hundred forty-seven of the criers of the West, taking many pictures.

Thus was the fall of Saddam, the king of Iraq, and of his sons. For in the confusion of battle, and the pillars of fire, did they flee. And they did run into the desert for their lives, with hope to return at a more opportune time.

Then did it come to pass that in the fifth month of that same year, on the first day, did George, the king of the West, journey to one of the great ships, and did land upon it in his silvery craft, and did come up with many a grin and a salute, and in a uniform of gray with many pockets thereon.

And George said unto the people of the armies, “Thou hast helped to bring freedom to them that dwelleth in Iraq, and with the sword and the shield many of their evil ones hath been slain or captured.”

Then George and his servants also said unto them that dwelleth in Iraq, “The wickedness of the king hath passed! For behold, though he may yet not be dead, he is on the run, and no longer in power. The armies of the West hath come in, and occupied the palaces of the king, and wilt treat thee with kindness.”

Then George and his servants, and the commanders of the armies of the West, said unto the people of Iraq, “May you be blessed! In the good time of the LORD we shall help you form a new government, one of peace and goodwill, and not at all of biological or chemical weapons, for which we are still looking.”

Therefore did many of the people of Iraq rejoice, and did go forth, and put back on their sandals, and did do business in the street, and sang and danced.

And even did some of them protest the occupation by the armies of the West, and of the coalition. For lo, having no wish for the kingship of Saddam, these people of the land also did not want the presence of the armies of the West, neither of the coalition. But having not the ability to bring free complaint before the eyes of their former rulers, they were now able, and did so with much ability.

And the men and women of the armies of the West did set up encampment within the land, and were of one accord, having lost very few of their number in that month.

With great courage many of them prepared themselves for what would follow, and did dig themselves in until such time as it would be appropriate to leave.

For they kneweth that the even greater challenges did lie ahead.



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 8

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Tuesday, Mar 21, 2006

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Categories: Columns, War-cast: Iraq

American Soldier Recommended
American Soldier
by Tommy R. Franks


Presenting part 8 of 10, in this “King James Version Only” series that explores the now-three-years-old history of the Iraq war:

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7


Chapter 8

And it came to pass that Donald, the commander of the armies of the West, didst call together a great company of the criers of the people, and of the great thinkers, and of the writers and them that scribbleth on pads.

And Donald saith to them, “Yea, get ye up and come here, for I wilt teach thee much wisdom, if thou wilt bond it to thy heart, and much understanding will I shew thee, if only thou wilt listen, and thou shalt be blessed.”

Whereupon the criers and their great company did come together before Donald, as he said. They did raise their voices together and of one accord, and did asketh many a question, and did oft utter the word “quagmire.”

And Donald, being of quick wit and sharp tongue, did deal with the criers of the people, and of the newspapers and TV stations, saying unto them, “Thou fools, whereupon I have already answered thine questions, thou comest against me with a question likeunto the first, and at such time as this continues I will smite thee with mine tongue as the farmer dost an ox, and wilt cast thee from my presence.”

Therefore the criers of the West did go out, and sitteth down in their offices, with many a cup of coffee, and with much sneering of countenance.

And they turned their voices, nay even their television signals, unto the heavens, and did speaketh again, crying oft,

“The great armies of the West, the noble of our land
“Have fallen, have fallen!
“The great commanders, and the fighting men, and their fighting women —
“They will all die, and like a daisy in winter, will they dry up and be cut down.
“Likeunto Vietnam, there is no plan
“And much as to the land of Hanoi, no true course for war exists.

“No blood for oil, blood for oil!
“How our blood doth boil.
“The foolishness of the king doth know no bound,
“And the brain of our monarch, like hole in the ground.”

And Donald of the armies of the West didst assemble the criers together again, and with him stood his friend Tommy, the son of Franks, one of the generals of the armies of the West.

So Donald said unto the criers, “Ye of little faith, thou art a stubborn people. Like a wild jackass to be tamed art all of thou, and my patience hath run its course, and I hath just about had it with the lot of ye.

“Doth thou not know that these things take time? Yea, hath ye not read the words of the history books, and of the great military strategies and victories of old? For in many times the path of war doth take an uncertain direction, but behold, all of you, for here everything is going according to plan, and if thou wilt shut up and watch, thou shalt behold the strength and will of the armies of the West.”

And it came to pass that the armies of the West, and of the coalition, did persevere in the desert, and did come out of the sandstorm with one accord, and did keep going. Wherefore did they capture many cities, and did speed across the land.



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 7

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Sunday, Mar 19, 2006

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Categories: Columns, War-cast: Iraq



Exactly three years ago, President George W. Bush issued Saddam Hussein a now-famous ultimatum, knowing full well it would not be carried out. This series explores the history of that conflict from a uniquely “King James Version” perspective. ...

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6


Chapter 7

And it came to pass, that on the nineteenth day of the third month, in the third year of his reign, that George did order the armies of the West to attack.

Having secured much territory and preparation in the lands of Kuwait and of Qatar, and on the ships in the sea of the Mediterranean, the armies of the West went forth, and did send out many ships of the sky, with silvery appearance and with great speed through the heavens.

Whereupon the ships did fly throughout the land of Iraq, and did drop great arrows to the ground of the land. The arrows and missiles did striketh the surface of the ground, and did strike many tents, and many palaces and buildings, and did blast them to shreds, and the smoke rose to the sky as the smoke from a furnace.

And from the great ships of the sea, the generals and men and women of the armies of the West did fire great arrows, and missiles with speed and heads tipped with great armament and explosives, and did send them over the deserts and the lands of Iraq, and to their targets.

And so did begin the battle, and the arrows and spears fell heavily into the midst of the land, and inside the walls of Baghdad, for a time.

But the armies of the West had withheld many of their arms, and therefore on the next day, the full wrath of the West fell upon the wicked men of Iraq, and upon its king, and his sons and servants, for the arrows were many, and the smoke and flame great to behold.

And having disrupted the speech and defenses of the land, the armies of the West and of the coalition did go forth, with chariots of iron, and with weapons, and shields and armaments. With a great cry and with great haste they set out, and made exceeding speed across the desert, and did head toward Baghdad, the great city of the land.

And there were among them members of the criers of the West, and of many other nations, and great writers and thinkers of the newspapers, and of the wire services and TV stations.

Therefore the criers were astonished at what they had seen, and did speak unto the peoples of the nations, saying, “The battle has begun, and the armies of the West are moving, lo! even now, going through the land faster than any military advance before.”

And it came to pass that the armies and their chariots met with some difficulty for a time, and were afflicted by a sandstorm. Yet they were not downcast, nor did their countenance fall.

And the members of the criers of the West did open their cell phones, and did putteth out their cameras and with much smoothing of hair, did speak unto their bureau chiefs, and their editors, and their television producers who didst stay home, saying unto them, “We are astonished at the speed of the armies of the West, and of the coalition, nor have we seen any such swiftness of foot in all the lands of the east.”

And thus did the messages reach the criers of the West, and them that runneth the newspapers, websites and wire services, and the producers of the TV networks.

Wherefore did the messages go out to the people, according to the word of them that rideth along with the armies of the West and of the coalition. And there were among the criers of the West many a pundit, and an observer, and them that talketh much and sitteth in the halls of the government of the West, and also many men who wished to overthrow the king.

Therefore the criers, and the TV networks, and the pundits and them that dwelleth in the editorial boards of the newspapers, saith unto the people, “The armies of the West hath been given up for lost, and lo! being of weak mind and unsound body, they wilt die in the desert.

“For being subjected to the foolishness of the king of the West, and the heat of the land, their bodies will lie as rot for the birds of the air, and the beasts of the field, and them of the armies of Iraq will feast on them and take their armaments. For even now the armies of the coalition are in a quagmire, and doom! doom is near, likeunto them that hath fought in the land of Vietnam.”



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 6

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Friday, Mar 17, 2006

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Categories: Columns, War-cast: Iraq



Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5

Part 6 of 10, describing events three years after the facts:


Chapter 6

And it came to pass, on the seventeenth day of the third month, according to the time of the land of the West, in the third year of the reign of George, that the king of the West came unto the people, and unto them that dwelleth in the nations of the earth, and unto the people in the land of Iraq, and in the deserts.

And the king said unto them, “The armies of the land of the West shall not withhold wrath, and we shall not turn our faces from this evil, nor shall we suffer it to stand in our midst.

“Behold, the king of Iraq, being of unsound judgment, has not obeyed the edicts of the great council, especially Resolution 1441, nor has he regarded the common law of the people, nor of his own god.”

Then George, the king of the West, spake directly to the king of Iraq, and did make such offer of peace unto him, saying, “Therefore the king of the West and the armies will attack the land of Iraq unless thou, the king of Iraq, and thy sons, do not give thyselves up to the armies of the West, and unto the people of thy land, to render fair judgment on thy wickedness.”

For the sons of the king of Iraq were just as wicked as their father, and did walk in his ways, and did murder and pillage, and buildeth many palaces unto themselves, and took many wives, and did slay many of the people, and their women and children.

And George said unto the ruler of Iraq, and unto his sons, “Behold, the armies of the West giveth thee 48 hours to surrender thyself unto our will, and at such time as thy does not, we shall come against thee and thy armies with sword and with arrows.”

And the people of the West who hath come against their king with stringed instruments, and with bongo drum and electric guitar, did cast off their garments again, and crieth out, “The king of the West is surely mad, and behold, even likeunto Hitler he is, and wilt slay many without provocation.

“For though the king of Iraq doth offer goodwill, and allow the spies of the nations into his land, the king of the West, and of the nations, wilt destroy him, and will slay millions, and wilt incite the anger of the Arab street, and wilt destroy the earth with disease and with pestilence.”

Nevertheless the king of the West, being of strength and bearing much longsuffering, waiteth to the end of the 48 hours, and his servants and commanders did wait with him.

For George, and Dick and Donald, and the other commanders and generals of the armies of the West, kneweth in their hearts that the king of Iraq would not surrender peacefully, nor would he show his face to the armies of the West, nor to the world.



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 5

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Wednesday, Mar 15, 2006

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Categories: Columns, War-cast: Iraq



Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4

This marks the halfway point in this 10-part series: the “King James Version” of the conflict three years ago.


Chapter 5

And it came to pass that them of the criers that did speak unto the people on the radio, with laughter and with teaching of thought, did speak unto the people of the West also, by reason and by remembrance of history and by mockings of them that lieth naked in the streets.

And Rush, the son of Limbaugh, did cometh unto the people with speech and with laughter, saying unto them, “Them that lieth in the streets are fools, and do ill to the land of the West, and to its people, and to the king of the West, and to the king’s God. For lo! being of unsound mind, they follow their feelings and the laws of their own devices, and do not pay heed to the laws of the land, nor to the laws of nature and of warfare.”

And likewise did come unto the people many other sayers and thinkers, to advise the people, and to recall the founding of the nation, and of the purpose behind the great wars fought by the West, even against the Barbarians and the Scythians.

These were their names:

Of the tribe of Hannity, Sean, who did speaketh much on the radio, and on Fox News.

Of the tribe of the North, Oliver, who had fought and won honor with the armies of the West.

Of the tribe of Coulter, Ann, a prophetess from the east, with many a mocking, and with short skirts.

Of the tribe of savages, Michael, who did speak on the radio, and did utter contempt against the kings of France, and of Germany.

And there came on the Fox News one called Bill, the son of O’Reilly, who did scorn the words of the kings of France and of Germany.

And Bill said to the people, “Let us come together against the lands of France, and of Germany, and make war against them, nay, not with swords or spears, but by words, and by withholding our gold and silver.

“Let us set our faces against them, and by not buying their goods, and their wines and cheeses and their bottled mineral water, we shall showeth them our ill will, and cause their merchants to protest against the commandments of their kings, and against the word of their ambassadors.”

And thus many of the people of the West came together, and cast away their goods which had come from the merchants of France, and of Germany, and did resolve to keep from their hands any goods bearing the seal of those nations, and of their merchants, until such time as the kings of the nations changed their minds.

And it came to pass that the king of Iraq did relent, and did appear to turn from his wickedness for a time, and did send messages unto the kings of the earth, and unto the great council, and unto the king of the West, saying unto them, “Lo! I am as a dog, and wilt allow spies from the great council to come into our midst, and wilt allow soldiers to enter my land, and will not withhold secrets from them, nor will I shew them aggression by sword or by arrow.”

Whereby the members of the great council arose, and did go forth into the land of Iraq, and the king did show them many wonders, and many tents in the desert, and did send his servants to aid them, even to prepare the tents beforehand, and to feed them well with wines and with cheeses, and with caviar.

And the spies and the soldiers of the council went throughout the land, and did search, and said that they had found no smoking guns, nor did they claim to discover any weapons of mass destruction.

But Colin, the friend of the king, was in great distress, having been in council with the king and with Tenet, also called George, the commander of the spies of the West.

And in the fifth day of the second month, in the third year of the king’s reign, Colin did travel to the eastern city, and to the chambers of the council of the nations, and did sit there among them, and rent his clothes, saying unto them, “The king of Iraq doth act deceptively, and his lies are many, even as the gravel of a sea shore.”

And Colin did shew them many sights, and photographs, and documents provided by Tenet the commander of the spies.

Colin said unto the council, “By knowing beforehand the places to which the spies will travel, the king hath taken his secret weapons out of those places before they even get there.

“Wherefore even now, the servants of the king are following the spies of the council all over the place, and wilt prevent them from finding anything, even unto death.”

But the ambassador of the land of Iraq spake in the chambers of the council, and said unto the others, “The king of the West is a fool, and likewise the servant of the king, Colin, being likeunto the son of a camel. For behold, our king does not deceive, but Colin, being a fan of the films of the West, hast put together movies of his own, laden with many a fake photo and with special effects and pictures formed by computer.”

And the kings and ambassadors of France, and of Germany, being of great distress, and with sackcloth and ashes, saith unto Colin, and unto the rulers of the West, “We agree with them that dwelleth in Iraq, and thou art a fool, and thy hath made pretend films of thy own, in effort to deceive the peoples of the nations, and of this council.”

And them that lieth in the streets did get up, and did put on their garments, and did go forth unto the cities yet again, and did get themselves noticed by the criers, and by the websites and wire services, and the newspapers and TV stations.

And waving signs on sticks, they spake unto the people yet again, with loud voice, shouting, “Behold, the kings of the West and of Britain are warmongers, and they doth desire the riches and gold of the land of Iraq, and wilt bring Armageddon, and do not desire peace.

“For behold! the king of the West is likeunto Hitler, as we have said, and we offer proof of this on our signs, which bear the likeness of the king of the West, and of a mustache we have drawn on his lip.

“Therefore the king of the West is likeunto Hitler, and must be destroyed, according to our will and of the will of our gods.”

But the kings of the land of Britain, and of Spain, and of Italy and Australia, did agree with the king of the West, and offereth the help of their armies, and of gold and silver.

The king of Britain did come unto George with many a blessing, and with hugs and wise words, and saith unto him and the world, “Blessed be George, who hast spoken the truth, and hast decided fairly against the land of Iraq, and against Iraq’s king.”



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 4

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Monday, Mar 13, 2006

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Plan of Attack Recommended
Plan of Attack
by Bob Woodward


Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

And now ...


Chapter 4

And from his palace the king of the West received word that the king of Iraq mocketh the West, and did utter great contempt and blasphemies against the LORD and heaven.

And George did say unto himself, “The land of the West is divided, and the people that dwelleth in the land are not of one purpose. Yet I will not waver, nor will I turn from the evil that is in Iraq, neither will any more of their kind of wickedness ever reach this land.”

Whereupon George sent messengers to Dick and Donald, and to Colin, and to Tenet, commander of the spies of the West, also called George, saying unto them, “We shall send armies to the friendly lands surrounding Iraq, and in preparing for war, we will nevertheless seek to make peace with the king of Iraq, and with much strong speech, perhaps disarm him without firing a bow.”

Upon hearing the word of the king, Donald did arise, and did summon the commanders of his armies, and his generals, and the captains of the guard.

Therefore the commanders, generals and captains did go forth, across the land of the West, and did send out great ships across the sea, and did send up winged craft to the heavens, which did soar above the seas and landeth on the ships, going to and fro.

And the men of the armies of the West did gird themselves for battle, and bade farewell to their loved ones, and their wives and children.

And in the tenth month of the second year of his reign, the king of the West, desiring not to send the armies of the West into battle without trying beforehand all other paths of choice, did come into the great eastern city, and unto the great council of the peoples, and of the nations of the earth, and of their kings and servants.

Then the king spake unto them with many words, saying unto them, “The nation of Iraq hath fallen into iniquity, and their sins hath reached unto the LORD, and doth violate the law of the common people and the nations. Therefore let us come against the land of Iraq, and Iraq’s king, in one accord, so that we may keep the law of the people, and the commandments of this council.

“For, having great wisdom, them that dwelleth in this council and in these chambers hath before come against Saddam, the king of Iraq, and did passeth many a commandment, forbidding the passing of trade between the land of Iraq and other nations, and forbidding the weapons of mass destruction formed by the king and by the king’s servants.”

And there arose from the council chambers a great clamor, and with many words and messengers, the kings of the nations of the earth, and their servants and aides, did thus debate among themselves.

And the kings of France and Germany and Russia, being many of one accord and with singular purpose, sent messengers unto the king of the West, saying, “It is as you have said. We agree that the king of Iraq hath done much wickedness. But after agreeing thus, we therefore do also agree that not much shall we do, and we shall do very little.

“Whereupon we also shall not agree with thy devices against the people of Iraq, nor will we show our face unto them, nor send one arrow over the walls of their cities.”

And them that dwelleth in the West who did already gathereth themselves together in the cities with their instruments and with shouts, did shout furthermore, and did gird themselves for their battle, and did come forth again into the cities, saying, “Wisdom belongeth to the kings of France, and of Germany and of Russia, and of many of the other kings of the earth, but not to our king, nor to his God.”



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 3

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Saturday, Mar 11, 2006

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And the third installment in this Evil Imagination series (read chapters 1 and 2):


Chapter 3

But many of the criers of the West, and the newspapers, websites and wire services, and the TV networks, murmured among themselves and to the people, screaming therefore, “The madness of Beelzebub is on this land, and upon the king, and upon the king’s God. Lo, even then, being exceeding stupid, the king has no proof of his claims, and having exceeding great difficulty pronouncing the word ‘nuclear,’ he is not fit to be our king.”

And many of the people, being thus persuaded, came forth into the land of the West, with a great shout, and with harp and lyre and tambourine and electric guitar, shouting thus to the peoples of the West,

“We will not fight against the evil, we will instead make a peace with the inhabitants of Iraq. For lo, having not weapons of mass destruction, they are not a threat, and even if they do have weapons, we ourselves gave them to the evil king of Iraq anyway. And during such time as the armies of the West attack, they will shoot them at such armies.

“And lo! having not been attacked ourselves, we shall not go forth and we shall not attack, nay, we will not fight, for violence being wrong, because we say it is, and therefore no one should fight, and all should live as brothers and sisters and play the harp and lyre and such like us.”

And they went forth with many a shout, and with the lyre and tambourine and electric guitar, and with many of the heroes of the people, and with stars of the TV shows, and the criers, and the movie celebrities, saying thus:

“Let us not come against the inhabitants of Iraq, let us not come near them, nor show our faces to them. For though their wickedness is great, lo, we are bad ourselves, and we should surrender.”

And the people in the great cities did come together, with their stringed instruments, and with trumpets and with many signs on sticks, and they protestedeth against the king, and against his God.

And being of unsound mind, some in their midst did rent their garments, and cast them off, and lie naked in the streets, until such time as the threat of war had passed. But the men and women of the cities, who did enforce the law of the land, came unto them, and with shields and weapons, and with many a fire hose.

Whereupon the news of the assemblies did spread throughout the land, and were proclaimed by the criers of the West, and by the newspapers, websites and wire services, and the TV networks. For among the criers of the West there were few who found favor with the king of the land, nor with the king’s God, the LORD of hosts, upon whose law the nation of the West was founded.

And likewise messengers came unto the land of Iraq, and unto Hussein, also called Saddam, the king of Iraq. They said unto him, “The madness sent by our gods has come upon them that dwelleth in the land of the West. For being divided among themselves, they will not attack our land, nor will our armies be threatened by the armies of the king of the West.”

And Saddam, the king of Iraq, did arise from his throne, and did speak unto his servants, and with much sneering of countenance, said unto them, “The king of the West is a fool and a cowboy, and neither him nor his armies will come into this land, nor will they show their faces in the desert.”



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 2

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Thursday, Mar 09, 2006

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More in the continuing series (read chapter 1):


Chapter 2

But the king’s trusted aide, Colin, being concerned about what others would thinketh in their hearts, said unto the king, “Lo! we will create strife in the land, even among the other peoples and lands of the earth, and will need gold and silver to help the good people of the land of Iraq, once we are through with it.

“Therefore let us go at once to the kings of Britain, and France, and Spain, Russia, Germany and Japan. For their rulers are likewise fair and just, and will help to take this evil from the earth.”

And George agreed with his friend Colin, saying, “May thou be blessed! For in many of my years, I have not heard one speaketh so rightly and clearly as you, Colin, my friend.”

And saying this, George then bade him go with great haste, saying unto him, “Go and tell the peoples of the West, and their criers, and their newspapers, websites and wire services, and their TV networks.

“Say unto them, ‘This is what George says. We will rise and come against the evil king of Iraq, and all of the evil inhabitants thereof. For not only doth their evil reach unto heaven, but they also have secret alliances with the rulers of the Barbarians, and the Scythians, and the inhabitants of the Palestinian terrorist groups thereof.

“ ‘For they are evil, according to the word of the LORD and the common law of the people, and their deeds are likewise evil in the eyes of the LORD. They have killed their women and children, and also them that dissent, and those who would escape their land.

“ ‘They have not allowed forthright speech as is common to the people, and out out of conceit and totalitarianism, the evil ones keepeth the riches of the land, and do build great and splendorous palaces for themselves.

“ ‘And lo! having great ambition for the other lands of the earth, and of their neighbors, the evil ones have great love for building secret weapons of mass destruction, which we will find soon.

“ ‘And not only this, but having secret alliances with the rulers of the Barbarians, and the Scythians of the far lands of the East, they have thus possibly incriminated themselves as having something to do with those nineteen Barbarians who attacked the West on September 11. I am George.’ ”

And Colin, hearing these words from the king, made haste at once to spread the tidings to the peoples of the West, and their criers, and their newspapers, websites and wire services, and their TV networks, as George had said.

And the peoples of the West were divided, because of the words of the king, and some said unto themselves, “What fool talk is this? For lo! during the last wars, we thus supported action against the Scythians, and against the Barbarians of the distant land of Afghanistan, but as for the land of Iraq, we know not what this has to do with anything, nor could we find this land on any globe or map of the world thereof.”

But many more of the people were exceeding glad, and behold! they raised flags of the West, unto the heavens, to support the word of their king, and many also gave thanks unto the LORD, and called unto His Name, and their prayers went up likewise unto heaven as a sweet incense, and it was pleasing in the sight of the LORD.

And the people said unto themselves, “Let us call on the Name of the LORD. For war, although being evil in His sight, must oftimes happen, in accordance with the word of the LORD to the Israelites of the past, as revealed in His Word.”



Biblical War on Iraq — chapter 1

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 12:00 AM ET , Tuesday, Mar 07, 2006

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On this forthcoming three-year anniversary of the Iraq conflict's physical renewal, I thought it would be appropriate to ...

Lapsedeth into King James English for a time, verily, and reprint this sage accounting of said events in the year of our Lord 2003.


Chapter 1

And the anger of the LORD burned against the nation of Iraq, and all of the wickedness within. For the inhabitants thereof were sore wicked, and did much wickedness in the eyes of the LORD.

And it did come to pass, that the word of the LORD did not come to George, a man in the West. For George, while being a follower of the LORD, was not a priest, but the king over the great land of the West.

Therefore the LORD did not reveal himself to George, but the words of the LORD spake for themselves, in accordance with the text written by the LORD in ancient times, saying,

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: . . . A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”

And lo, having also known that by the word of the LORD, the inhabitants of Israel had been likewise commanded to slay their enemies, behold, even preemptively, George arose, and being of great courage, came unto his beloved friend Cheney, also called Dick, and Condoleezza, an aide and friend to the king, and Donald, one of the commanders of the armies of the West.

And the king said unto them, “Let us go against them that dwelleth in the lands of Iraq, and in the caves, and in the torture chambers, and in the dwellings in the deserts within.

“For lo, their sins have reached unto the LORD, as an abomination, and their wickedness also having been exceeding great. Let us come against the king and the evil ones, and having destroyed the king and his evil, leave the people in peace.”

And they knew that, being not priests, they had not been commanded to preach the good news of the kingdom of the LORD unto the inhabitants of the earth.

Having known this, George continued thus, saying unto Dick, Condoleezza and Donald, “We shall destroy the evil ones in the land and leave them in peace, to worship their god as they choose.”

And Dick, Condoleezza and Donald, being also of courage and stature, said unto the king, “May it be as you have said. For the evil of the land is as a stench in the nostrils of the LORD.”

And Donald went unto the great armies of the West, proclaiming the words of the king, and saying, “Let us come against the evil king of the land of Iraq, let us come against him and his evil.”

And many of the men of the armies of the West, being exceeding glad, rejoiced with the king. And many of them, knowing the weakness of their own being, called on the Name of the LORD, and the LORD was pleased.



Bin Laden missteps

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 10:56 AM ET , Thursday, Jan 19, 2006

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Categories: War-cast: Iraq, Islam



Eleven days before the State of the Union address, Usama bin Laden, or someone imitating or speaking for him, confirms what conservatives have been saying all along: that Iraq is central to the War on Terror. And that he's losing.

Al-Jazeera aired an audiotape purportedly from Osama bin Laden on Thursday, saying al-Qaida is making preparations for attacks in the United States but offering a truce to rebuild Iraq and Afghanistan.

The voice on the tape said heightened security measures in the United States are not the reason there have been no attacks there since the Sept. 11, 2001, suicide hijackings.

Instead, the reason is “because there are operations that need preparations, and you will see them,” he said.

“Based on what I have said, it is better not to fight the Muslims on their land,” he said. “We do not mind offering you a truce that is fair and long-term. ... So we can build Iraq and Afghanistan ... there is no shame in this solution because it prevents wasting of billions of dollars ... to merchants of war.”

The speaker did not give conditions for a truce in the excerpts aired by the Arab broadcaster.


“No terms except an immediate and unconditional surrender will be accepted.”

— General Ulysses S. Grant



A compressed crash course of 2005

Avatar by Dr Ransom at 11:35 AM ET , Thursday, Jan 12, 2006

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Categories: Politics: The Left Wing, War-cast: Iraq



A high school student I just interviewed has a hilarious blog that hybridizes personal updates and hilarious, conservative-oriented political observations.

I knew there was something I liked about that guy.

Ignore the typos — the [sic]s I decided not to put in here — and enjoy “Cowboy Ben”'s take on 2005:

Simply the Best

These are simply the best events, stories, movies, songs, or whatever else of the Year 2005. (not in any order)


Democrats take a firm stand:

Amazing their political adversaries, the democrats, stepped up to the plate and swung both ways. Showing their deft skill in politics, and firm decision making skills, the democratic party Publicly Demanded that The White House, and the Pentagon completely withdraw all American Troops from Iraq, then within a week Voted Overwhelmingly Not to withdraw. Way to go guys......


Howard Dean becomes 50th former psych. ward patient to Run DNC

Following his complete failure in the Presidential Election, Dean decided that the meer disgrace of being soundly trounced (by a guy who does not experience Facial Expressions) in the democratic primaries just wasn't enough, and becomes leader of the DNC. Shortly thereafter, he sets out to prove that he not only lost the primary in Iowa, but also misplaced his brain, stating that the republican party, “is pretty much a white, christian party...” +10 points for the observation, -129,873,823,459,823,757.3 points for being the only man in America Stupid enough to announce that on National Television, then defend it for months. His defense of this statement, and the barrage of intelligent comments continued until some brave person within the DNC finally leaned over and said “howard, you're an Idiot.... I'm glad you're our king.”

Press coverage of his completely pointless statements only ended after......


Pat Robertson the Prophet Makes Headlines!

Continued ...