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Okay, so we lost. Republicans lost the House, maybe the Senate.
Buck up. Suck it up, admit defeat, shake hands with the winners, and get over it. Don't let yourself get into a snit about it. Don't give the liberals ammunition to mock you. They draw strength from your defeat.
The tendency after any loss is to place blame. It's one way we have of maintaining some measure of control over our situation; knowing and identifying the problem not only helps us avoid it in the future, but it gives us control and security. (I believe this is why global warming alarmists, and leftists in general always seek to place blame, but I digress.)
I'll admit, I was unrealistically optimistic. I thought that, despite all the shortcomings, Republicans would narrowly keep both House and Senate.
But yes, I'm going to place blame. It doesn't help; no matter who should have done what, this race is over. But we had better learn from our errors for the next race, or we'll merely repeat it. And we've made some humdingers.
The biggest mistake was in failing to wage the public relations war over Iraq. On this, I exclude few from being held responsible.
The media spun the Iraq war day in, day out. CodePink traitors and anti-war protestors splayed across our TV screens, and the “Bush lied” mantra broadcast to millions, no thanks to your mainstream media dinosaurs.
In short, the Iraq war cost us the House.
Don't get me wrong. The Iraq war was right. Our cause was right, our reasons were right, our decision was right.
What was WRONG was our response to critics. We had none.
For this I blame everyone. All the officials, anyway. Bloggers can only go so far. The House and Senate leaders failed to combat the lies. Bush, Rove, Frist, Hastert, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Snow, Mehlman, all failed to fight the lies. Hannity tried, but was too eager to jump on anything coming out of Iraq. Even Rush didn't demolish the lies like he could have.
The Democrats took up the Iraq war and made it their platform, their hill to die on. With the unprecented negativity in the media, the daily humdrum of anti-war sentiment, and little to no response from the Republicans, we let them win much of the public while we waged a war. We lost when we lost the Iraq PR war.
When the leftists bellowed that we needed more allies, we didn't respond. (Even though we had the aid and support of 30+ countries in the beginning.)
When they said we should give Hussein more time, we broadcast but didn't drive home the fact that Saddam defied 17 resolutions to disarm.
When protestors said this was an illegal war, we did not respond that we were acting out of National, as well as International interest, legally permissible under Resolutions 1441, and 660, which authorized the Gulf War.
When critics began the “Bush Lied” tirade after finding few weapons of mass destruction, hacking endlessly at the solid tree trunk of President Bush, we either ignored, waved away, or agreed with the leftists' assertions. All while they continued to hack, chip and chop.
When Democrats insisted that Saddam was not a threat, no one but bloggers aggressively attacked this flip-flopping lie. Few officials called Democrats on their own words.
Bush received approval bounces of four and five percent when he went on primetime TV and defended the war. How many times has he done that? Four or five. All while the media continued the flood of negativity. 24/7/365 coverage times four networks all bashing the war and broadcasting negative images, and yet I can count on my hand the times he hit back. Bush failed to wage the PR war. Admitting no WMD's and conceding intelligence failures was, is and remains Bush's worst error.
It's their own fault. It's our own collective fault. I have to accept blame just like the rest of Republicans, although in my own small way, I was trying to combat the myths.
Now we're not going to get down in the dumps about this. People I know, and — judging from responses I observe — Freepers, are becoming depressed. And I agree, this does not bode well for the country.
But while we ran like wimps, we must lose like men. Suck it up. Shake it off. Buck up. GET OVER IT. We will not become depressed, we're not going to invent conditions like Post-Election Selection Trauma, and we can't start whining, or join a cut-and-run movement.
We must learn our lessons, and plunge ahead. But we MUST LEARN OUR LESSONS.
And make dang sure we get a better head start on grooming our 2008 candidates, primarily our presidential candidate. Democrats will be using their 2006 momentum, their willing media compatriots, and ongoing media-perpetrated negativity to make a go at the White House.
The interview touched off a buzz across the internet. YouTube received hundreds of thousands of hits for the preview, and Fox News Sunday received the highest rating in three years.
The following is part of the crossfire in which Bill Clinton accuses Chris Wallace of unfairly harsh questions which he did not offer to Bush administration officials.
CLINTON: So you did Fox's bidding on this show. You did your nice little conservative hit job on me. What I want to know is ...
WALLACE: Well, wait a minute, sir.
CLINTON: No, wait. No, no ...
WALLACE: I want to ask a question. You don't think that's a legitimate question?
CLINTON: It was a perfectly legitimate question, but I want to know how many people in the Bush administration you asked this question of.
I want to know how many people in the Bush administration you asked, “Why didn't you do anything about the Cole?”
I want to know how many you asked, “Why did you fire Dick Clarke?”
I want to know how many people you asked ...
WALLACE: We asked — we asked ...
CLINTON: I don't ...
WALLACE: Do you ever watch “FOX News Sunday,” sir?
CLINTON: I don't believe you asked them that.
WALLACE: We ask plenty of questions of ...
CLINTON: You didn't ask that, did you? Tell the truth, Chris.
WALLACE: About the USS Cole?
CLINTON: Tell the truth, Chris.
WALLACE: With Iraq and Afghanistan, there's plenty of stuff to ask.
CLINTON: Did you ever ask that?
You set this meeting up because you were going to get a lot of criticism from your viewers because Rupert Murdoch's supporting my work on climate change.
And you came here under false pretenses and said that you'd spend half the time talking about — you said you'd spend half the time talking about what we did out there to raise $7-billion-plus in three days from 215 different commitments. And you don't care.
WALLACE: But, President Clinton, if you look at the questions here, you'll see half the questions are about that. I didn't think this was going to set you off on such a tear.
CLINTON: You launched it — it set me off on a tear because you didn't formulate it in an honest way and because you people ask me questions you don't ask the other side.
WALLACE: That's not true. Sir, that is not true.
CLINTON: And Richard Clarke made it clear in his testimony...
WALLACE: Would you like to talk about the Clinton Global Initiative?
CLINTON: No, I want to finish this now.
WALLACE: All right. Well, after you.
A simple Google inquiry is all it took to uncover yet another of Clinton's lies. In a fit of anger, sometimes one does not think about the veracity of accusations one is hurling, but Mr. Clinton should have thought about that before he went on national televison.
My Tuesday class ran from 9 a.m. to 10:15 a.m. Upon exiting and walking down the hallway, I ran into a commotion near one of the computer rooms. Employees were pushing a TV into the area and soon had it turned to a very grainy CBS local affiliate.
I saw one of the World Trade Center towers, smoke billowing upward as if sourced by brimstone.
The thought was horrible: Weren't there two of those?
I asked a student what was happening.
“We're being attacked,” he answered grimly.
Chills overwhelmed me.
I called home. My mother was tearful. My brother was in the background, passing along information from Fox News. I wandered into the building foyer, theorizing. Terrorists, obviously. Perhaps masterminded by Usama bin Laden.
My brother began shouting in the background. Something about it going down.
I returned to the TV room. The image was projected on a screen.
Even more smoke rose. And the second of the two towers had already crumbled.
Students whispered. Completely confused, in the first stages of grief.
One young man was at a computer, already writing something about the experience. An email, perhaps. No ... a journal entry, I recall. I should have spoken with him. He evidently wrote his innermost thoughts, easily readable to me standing nearby. Something like, I want to do something. I want to understand this, and then I want to make the attackers pay.
My, how it all comes back.
Classes were not cancelled. They should have been.
I skipped my math class — one of the few class sessions I ever intentionally passed up.
Reactions were nearly universal. In those days, solidarity existed. People were unified in grief, and some anger.
Only later did I learn about the Pentagon crash, Flight 93 and its incredible story, and the exact nature of the attacks. Air Force One was diverted. The Capitol evacuated. Unconfirmed reports: plane hits the Capitol, plane on its way to the White House, president in D.C., president not in D.C. ...
The deaths of firefighters and New York City officers. Ash and smoke, like a volcanic avalanche, flooding through the streets. People's bodies and hair bleached with the fallout, staggering like zombies ...
I'm tearing up, now. Thought I would. Perhaps it's time to end.
Indeed ... never forget. Just because it's been half a decade doesn't mean the impact should fade.
“Cartoon” by Joel Pett, Lexington Herald-Leader, Sept. 6, 2006
Mr. Pett,
You know how to make thought-provoking cartoons — or at least two, following the deaths of the shuttle Columbia astronauts in early February 2003, or the passing of Christopher Reeve. Politics had nothing to do with those, and you recognized that.
But now, in the second Bush term, it seems no subject is off-limits for your appropriation, to hurl more of your juvenile insults at the president.
Clearly, that includes the heartrending death of Steve Irwin, not only a television celebrity but a wonderful person known worldwide.
Forget “poor taste” and all of those clichéd generalizations that will only further your victim complex. Those who are truly wise enough to understand liberals’ natures know that every angry letter you receive — this one included — will only increase your smug, self-religious sense of persecuted “rightness” in your own eyes. You sit back and smile, face locked in a grin, ego safely secure in the accomplishment of stirring readers up again. And perhaps you silently, wryly, nod assent to my correct guesses just now.
Bush is Evil: that is your creed. Therefore, you believe anything, anything, is useful merely to point out this “fact” in a new and “provocative” way.
We both know you won’t be fired or anything silly like that.
Why? Because your form of antique media is currently flailing about for meaning in a new era; and therefore, they believe one surefire method to get more attention is to be pettily nasty and outrageous, like spoiled-brat children. So now you’ve merely fulfilled the tenets of that often-subconscious manifesto.
Therefore, the Herald Leader will accept letters for a time in the name of fairness, print many of them, and perhaps write an editorial supporting your First Amendment right to free speech — as if they could not censor you if they wanted to.
And in a week or so, they will then issue their ordinance from on high that now is the time to “move on.”
Oh, so much you have to be proud of. You have used a world-beloved man’s death in the name of Punditry and Free Speech. So creative. So original.
The government cannot stop you; nor should it. Yet common sense, an inner sense of actual morality, and least of all thousands of readers can only attempt to speak some sense into your corrupted mind.
Go ahead and try whining about your First Amendment Rights. But those enraged by your pathetic, wholly noncreative “art” have just as much right to speak out. Unlike you, sir, truth and decency is on their side.
Cal Thomas's column yesterday is just a few days behind renewed interest in Biblical end-times scenarios — because of certain renewed conflicts in the Middle East, of course.
Out from the back shelves of Christian bookstores will come the John Hagee / Pat Robertson / Hal Lindsey books about the Tribulation and Birth Pangs and such, now more-favorably placed on front displays. And of course, for the first time in a few years, sales of the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins will surely spike again. (Read my review of their recent installment, The Rapture.)
Thomas points out, again, again, again, that such speculation is perhaps among the world's oldest professions — or at least since early A.D.
End-of-the-world prophecies have been around almost since the beginning. Ancient prophets, like Daniel in the Hebrew Bible and John the Apostle, who wrote Revelation, laid down visions of the destruction of the world and its replacement with a peaceful, heavenly kingdom.
Many complex mathematical formulas have been solved, but not “666,” which is the “mark of the beast” foretold in Revelation. Many have guessed at its meaning, but the answer has eluded them. For those interested in the history of false and phony end times prophecy, a partial list can be found at www.isitso.org/guide/endtime.html. It makes for entertaining reading. One of my favorites is the Anabaptist preacher in the early 1500s named Hoffman who declared the end of the world would begin in 1533 and that Strassburg would be transformed into the “New Jerusalem.”
The 1991 Persian Gulf War produced a spike in end-times books and sales. Some of them flatly predicted Armageddon was upon us. Authors noted that modern Iraq is ancient Babylon and they saw the Iraq war as a possible, even probable, fulfillment of end-times prophecies. Like those before them, they were wrong. To paraphrase Stephen Sondheim, “we're still here.”
Authors Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins have created an industry with their best-selling “Left Behind” book series about the Rapture and the disappearance of all Christians before the final battle of Armageddon takes place (15 titles and more than 63 million sold, which testifies to the intense interest in the subject). There is disagreement within Christian circles as to what comes first - Armageddon or the Rapture - but that can be left to those counting angels on pinheads and, for that matter, to pinheads. Whatever they decide isn't going to affect events, though it will sell books.
[. . .]
[T]he end isn't yet upon us, because too many expect it. But, as Tim LaHaye said on “Good Morning America” last week, it is still good to be prepared. Stop worrying about dates and times, though, unless you're writing a book, making a movie, or delivering a speech. In those circumstances, “prophets” can make big profits with their modern equivalent of sandwich boards that proclaim the end is near.
Many “pinhead” Christians are constantly dwelling on this subject, partly out of fascination with the future and hope that we'll get it all figured out in advance — and partly because they believe nothing scares the Hell out of non-Christians like a good apocalyptic scenario.
Whether or not such specific scenarios actually occur, though, it's more true that nothing will scare the Hell out of non-Christians like — Hell. Unlike end-times events, this is one element the Bible is very clear about. Thus, it's more worth presenting it as a very real threat than any specific predictions abour a war, rumors of wars, or the Whore of Babylon (Revelation 17). ...
Left Behind series authors Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins may already be out of date in ascribing the title to the Red Horse of the Apocalypse, if Newt Gengrich has forecasted correctly.
As events become all the more turbulent in the Middle East, it will prove interesting to see if sales for Christian end-times novels and nonfiction (remember the 1970s book above?) increase along with the conflicts.
Is the end near? Despite various claims to the contrary, no one can know. But clearly, the brewing conflict could make the War on Terror seem like mere birth pangs.
Columnist Jeff Jarvis with the Philadelphia Inquirer on April 23 gave his take on the dead-tree skins business versus Media Version 2.0:
Do we need newspapers? No. Do we need news and journalism and an informed democracy? Of course we do. But paper? Why? Too often, I hear editors pleading to save newspapers and newsrooms as their status quo is threatened by plummeting circulation, imploding advertising, impatient shareholders, multimedia youth and the Internet. Everyone is to blame for newspapers' pickle, it seems, but the newspapers themselves.
Yet perhaps the era of newspapers as we now know them is simply over. Especially since broadcast killed competitive newspapers, they have become one-size-fits-all vehicles that cannot possibly be all things to all people; they may be convenient, but they are also inefficient and shallow compared with the depth of the Internet. Newspapers are inevitably stale next to broadcast and online. They are inefficient advertising vehicles for highly targeted sales - classifieds and very local retail. Newspapers are terribly expensive to produce and distribute in a marketplace where your competition is free.
Washington Post writer Howard Kurtz, however, while he lated quoted Jarvis, yesterday gave his verdict on the matter:
Will blogs replace the Old Media? Of course not.
The problem with Old Media is rooted not just in changed technology but changing national demographics and culture. One could argue that the fault lies with the failing public education system, but the fact is that most young people at present time do not like to read their news. If they keep up with current events at all, the Internet is by far the best source, albeit one full of questionable sources.
Yet countless surveys and other evidences show that most young people have no problem with questionable sources or lack of truth anyway. Note, for example, this quote from USA Today's rightfully skeptical coverage of a new Sept. 11 conspiracy film, Loose Change, whose makers insist that the military actually hit the Pentagon with a missile as an excuse for war:
Christian Pecaut, 25, a Stanford graduate who is promoting the film at the University of California, Berkeley campus, said the film is “catchy, hip,” with an “upbeat soundtrack.”
This is part 10 of the 10-part King-James-Version War on Iraq, leaving us poised in late 2003 as the 2004 presidential campaign began in all its glorious nastiness ...
Whereafter in the weeks following, it came to pass that the few men of the armies of Iraq, having been scattered to the deserts and to the tents in the wilderness, did come together as best as they could try, and with much passing of cash and hand grenades, did come against the armies of the West, and of the coalition.
And with many spears, and with armaments, they didst blow things up, and blew themselves up, and did shoot at the soldiers of the West, and their servants. And they killed many of their choice men, and did much evil in the sight of the LORD against the men and women of the armies of the West.
Therefore many of the criers of the newspapers of the West, and of many of the newspapers’ websites, did write many words, and them that ran the TV stations did put on their makeup, and sat down and did read from them that stood behind the cameras.
And they said in unison: “Nyah nyah nyah! The conquest of Iraq by the West hath failed, and nay, there never was a plan, and wherefore art the king of Iraq and his two sons anyway?
“For since the king of the West is a fool, he hath not thought wisely about the exit strategy, and neither can the fool armies of the West find the king of Iraq, neither his sons, and bring them to justice.”
Then the people who did eschew violence arose, one more time, and did doff their clothes, and go forth, saying out loud and with one accord, “Baghdad the great hath fallen, hath fallen, but lo! it will rise again!
“Woe! woe! museums have been looted, and having now the freedom of choice, the people of Iraq hath chosen evil, and will bring even more evil to the land than was when the king of Iraq sat upon the throne.
“Ho! ho! wherefore art Saddam, the king of Iraq? Wherefore art his two sons, Uday and Qusay? For even while they remain alive, them that fighteth against the armies of the West will continue thus, and all of the men and women of the armies of the West will die, die, die! And then there will be oil for the rich corporations, and for Halliburton, and much gold and silver for the pockets of Halliburton and of Cheney, also called Dick.”
Then did it come to pass, in the seventh month of that year, and on the twenty-second day, that word came from the commanders of the armies of the West, in the land of Iraq.
And the commanders wrote to the people, saying, “Be it known that in the seventh month, on the twenty-second day, that the men of the armies of the 101st Division of the Airborne, and of the Special Operations Forces, did rise up against the wicked servants of the former king of Iraq in the city of Mosul.
“Whereupon there was a great fight, and the men of the 101st and of the Special Operations Forces didst whoop some exceeding great butt. Four of the men of Iraq died, and among them were the two sons of Saddam, Uday and Qusay.”
Then did the commanders of the armies smear many colored substances on the bodies of the dead, and did make them out to be more handsome. Whereupon they showed them on TV for proof that they were dead, and to disprove the words of the criers, and of them that casteth off their garments in the streets.
Then it came to pass that George, the king of the West, and Dick, and Donald, and the other commanders of the armies of the West, did come together.
With one voice and in secret, they swore an oath, saying, “May the LORD deal with us ever so severely, if by this time next year we have not slayed Saddam Hussein, or else taken him prisoner, and then presented his face on national TV for all the Barbarians and Scythians to see, and perhaps be in great distress, for the king of Iraq hath fallen.”
And the months went by. With much effort, the men and women of the armies of the West, and of the coalition, made much progress in the land, and did restore water and electricity, and began work on the schools and the centers of learning.
While all throughout they bore with much longsuffering the deeds of the resistance, who with sword and with spear and by grenades did slay many of the armies of the West.
It came to pass in the eleventh month, on the day of thanksgiving set apart by the people of the West, that George did fly in secret to the land of Iraq, and did take everyone by surprise, even the criers, who by secret arts usually claimed to know all.
And so did George come into the mist of the armies of the West, and did speak many encouragements to them, and they rejoiced and were glad, and did clap and shout “Hoo-ah.” Whereupon did George finish talking and did come down among them, and did stand in line, and did serve them turkey.
And it came to pass, that on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, that men of the armies of the West went forth into the town of Tikrit, and did search in few of the tents of that town for the wicked men of the country.
Whereupon they came upon a secret door in the earth, and did uncover it, and did see two hairy arms come forth from the hole and wave about, and a voice said to them in Arabic, “Behold! I am Saddam Hussein, the king of Iraq, and therefore I beg you not to shoot.”
And the men of the West did not shoot, but hauled the king up out of there, and his countenance was worn, and very hairy.
Thus was Saddam, the evil king of Iraq, captured without battle, and after this the men of the armies took the fallen king to parts unknown, and he remaineth there to this day.
Then did it come to pass that Moammar, the king of Libya, did announce to the people, “Behold! Look, look here! I art getting rid of any weapons of mass destruction I might have, for, being of great wisdom, the people of Libya will have nothing to do with those old things, and do desire peace among the nations of the earth.”
And George and the rulers of the West were exceeding glad. But while being glad, they continued searching to and fro in the land of Iraq, for the secret weapons which they thought had lain there.
Then one called Howard, who came from the north of the West, did come forth, and did roll up his sleeves and get sweaty, and with smiling countenance said to the people, “Lo, the capture of the king of Iraq is no big deal, for being one with a beard he knows nothing, much like them that dwelleth in the south of the land of the West.”
Wherefore did the king of the West gird himself for battle against Howard, and against many of the other men of the West who did utter great blasphemies and whinings, and did speak with forked tongues.
Therefore, as the fourth year of his reign began, did George call together all of his servants, and his advisors, and Karl, his aide.
And George said to them, “Let us again call on the Name of the LORD, let us put our trust in Him, and let us give thanks for the victory, and call on His Name to help in the struggles which lieth ahead.
“For though by the grace of the LORD we have accomplished much, many other things remain. Only by more grace from the LORD will our work be in vain, for without Him can we do nothing.”
So the people of the West came together, and did offer up many a prayer, for the will of the LORD to be done in the land of the West, and in that of Iraq, and of the nations of the earth.
Now comes the second-to-last installment of this Shakespearean / “King James Version” of the 2003 Iraq war, bringing us now to the fall of Baghdad on April 9, 2003 — and then the (in-) famous “Mission Accomplished” speech aboard the aircraft carrier on May 1.
And there was among them that dwelleth in Iraq, a man by the name of Muhammad Saeed al-Sahaf, who by much shrewd deception and swiftness of speech got up before the criers of the nations, and of the peoples of the nations of the east, and didst speak unto the peoples.
“The armies of the West have not come, neither have they made war against us,” saith Muhammad Saeed al-Sahaf. “Neither will they ever, for the armies of this land art a people to be feared, and we have already killed many of them of the West that speedeth across the desert.
“Lo! for being even panicked and cowardly, art they running from us now, and even now as I stand here before thee, I myself art chasing ten thousand of their strong men, and of their women also, and wilt smite them with the word of my mouth, and with my microphones.”
And in the ninth day of the fourth month of the reign of the king, it came to pass that the armies of the West, and of the coalition, did come into Baghdad and through its gates, even unto the center of the city itself.
Wherefore did they slay many of the wicked men of the land, and took others prisoner, and with many chariots of iron did they come.
And them that dwelleth in the city raised a great shout! Being exceeding glad, they did dance in the streets, and didst remove their sandals and slap them at the images of their king, and didst mocketh him and burn other likenesses of the king of Iraq thereof.
And being of great cheer did the people also come unto the shrines, and the high places, and the molten and graven images, and of the idols of the king. With great shouts of acclamation did they come unto the great idol of Saddam, and didst bring many chains, and many more sandals, to slap at the image wherewith.
Wherefore did the young and old men of Iraq fasten the wreathen chains to the statue, and with much strength, and with many sandals, did they rip it down from its pedestal.
And on the ground they didst behead the likeness of their fallen king, and their young men and their children didst drag the head through the streets, and did beat on it with their sandals, and wert pursued by at least about one hundred forty-seven of the criers of the West, taking many pictures.
Thus was the fall of Saddam, the king of Iraq, and of his sons. For in the confusion of battle, and the pillars of fire, did they flee. And they did run into the desert for their lives, with hope to return at a more opportune time.
Then did it come to pass that in the fifth month of that same year, on the first day, did George, the king of the West, journey to one of the great ships, and did land upon it in his silvery craft, and did come up with many a grin and a salute, and in a uniform of gray with many pockets thereon.
And George said unto the people of the armies, “Thou hast helped to bring freedom to them that dwelleth in Iraq, and with the sword and the shield many of their evil ones hath been slain or captured.”
Then George and his servants also said unto them that dwelleth in Iraq, “The wickedness of the king hath passed! For behold, though he may yet not be dead, he is on the run, and no longer in power. The armies of the West hath come in, and occupied the palaces of the king, and wilt treat thee with kindness.”
Then George and his servants, and the commanders of the armies of the West, said unto the people of Iraq, “May you be blessed! In the good time of the LORD we shall help you form a new government, one of peace and goodwill, and not at all of biological or chemical weapons, for which we are still looking.”
Therefore did many of the people of Iraq rejoice, and did go forth, and put back on their sandals, and did do business in the street, and sang and danced.
And even did some of them protest the occupation by the armies of the West, and of the coalition. For lo, having no wish for the kingship of Saddam, these people of the land also did not want the presence of the armies of the West, neither of the coalition. But having not the ability to bring free complaint before the eyes of their former rulers, they were now able, and did so with much ability.
And the men and women of the armies of the West did set up encampment within the land, and were of one accord, having lost very few of their number in that month.
With great courage many of them prepared themselves for what would follow, and did dig themselves in until such time as it would be appropriate to leave.
For they kneweth that the even greater challenges did lie ahead.
And it came to pass that Donald, the commander of the armies of the West, didst call together a great company of the criers of the people, and of the great thinkers, and of the writers and them that scribbleth on pads.
And Donald saith to them, “Yea, get ye up and come here, for I wilt teach thee much wisdom, if thou wilt bond it to thy heart, and much understanding will I shew thee, if only thou wilt listen, and thou shalt be blessed.”
Whereupon the criers and their great company did come together before Donald, as he said. They did raise their voices together and of one accord, and did asketh many a question, and did oft utter the word “quagmire.”
And Donald, being of quick wit and sharp tongue, did deal with the criers of the people, and of the newspapers and TV stations, saying unto them, “Thou fools, whereupon I have already answered thine questions, thou comest against me with a question likeunto the first, and at such time as this continues I will smite thee with mine tongue as the farmer dost an ox, and wilt cast thee from my presence.”
Therefore the criers of the West did go out, and sitteth down in their offices, with many a cup of coffee, and with much sneering of countenance.
And they turned their voices, nay even their television signals, unto the heavens, and did speaketh again, crying oft,
“The great armies of the West, the noble of our land
“Have fallen, have fallen!
“The great commanders, and the fighting men, and their fighting women —
“They will all die, and like a daisy in winter, will they dry up and be cut down.
“Likeunto Vietnam, there is no plan
“And much as to the land of Hanoi, no true course for war exists.
“No blood for oil, blood for oil!
“How our blood doth boil.
“The foolishness of the king doth know no bound,
“And the brain of our monarch, like hole in the ground.”
And Donald of the armies of the West didst assemble the criers together again, and with him stood his friend Tommy, the son of Franks, one of the generals of the armies of the West.
So Donald said unto the criers, “Ye of little faith, thou art a stubborn people. Like a wild jackass to be tamed art all of thou, and my patience hath run its course, and I hath just about had it with the lot of ye.
“Doth thou not know that these things take time? Yea, hath ye not read the words of the history books, and of the great military strategies and victories of old? For in many times the path of war doth take an uncertain direction, but behold, all of you, for here everything is going according to plan, and if thou wilt shut up and watch, thou shalt behold the strength and will of the armies of the West.”
And it came to pass that the armies of the West, and of the coalition, did persevere in the desert, and did come out of the sandstorm with one accord, and did keep going. Wherefore did they capture many cities, and did speed across the land.
Exactly three years ago, President George W. Bush issued Saddam Hussein a now-famous ultimatum, knowing full well it would not be carried out. This series explores the history of that conflict from a uniquely “King James Version” perspective. ...
And it came to pass, that on the nineteenth day of the third month, in the third year of his reign, that George did order the armies of the West to attack.
Having secured much territory and preparation in the lands of Kuwait and of Qatar, and on the ships in the sea of the Mediterranean, the armies of the West went forth, and did send out many ships of the sky, with silvery appearance and with great speed through the heavens.
Whereupon the ships did fly throughout the land of Iraq, and did drop great arrows to the ground of the land. The arrows and missiles did striketh the surface of the ground, and did strike many tents, and many palaces and buildings, and did blast them to shreds, and the smoke rose to the sky as the smoke from a furnace.
And from the great ships of the sea, the generals and men and women of the armies of the West did fire great arrows, and missiles with speed and heads tipped with great armament and explosives, and did send them over the deserts and the lands of Iraq, and to their targets.
And so did begin the battle, and the arrows and spears fell heavily into the midst of the land, and inside the walls of Baghdad, for a time.
But the armies of the West had withheld many of their arms, and therefore on the next day, the full wrath of the West fell upon the wicked men of Iraq, and upon its king, and his sons and servants, for the arrows were many, and the smoke and flame great to behold.
And having disrupted the speech and defenses of the land, the armies of the West and of the coalition did go forth, with chariots of iron, and with weapons, and shields and armaments. With a great cry and with great haste they set out, and made exceeding speed across the desert, and did head toward Baghdad, the great city of the land.
And there were among them members of the criers of the West, and of many other nations, and great writers and thinkers of the newspapers, and of the wire services and TV stations.
Therefore the criers were astonished at what they had seen, and did speak unto the peoples of the nations, saying, “The battle has begun, and the armies of the West are moving, lo! even now, going through the land faster than any military advance before.”
And it came to pass that the armies and their chariots met with some difficulty for a time, and were afflicted by a sandstorm. Yet they were not downcast, nor did their countenance fall.
And the members of the criers of the West did open their cell phones, and did putteth out their cameras and with much smoothing of hair, did speak unto their bureau chiefs, and their editors, and their television producers who didst stay home, saying unto them, “We are astonished at the speed of the armies of the West, and of the coalition, nor have we seen any such swiftness of foot in all the lands of the east.”
And thus did the messages reach the criers of the West, and them that runneth the newspapers, websites and wire services, and the producers of the TV networks.
Wherefore did the messages go out to the people, according to the word of them that rideth along with the armies of the West and of the coalition. And there were among the criers of the West many a pundit, and an observer, and them that talketh much and sitteth in the halls of the government of the West, and also many men who wished to overthrow the king.
Therefore the criers, and the TV networks, and the pundits and them that dwelleth in the editorial boards of the newspapers, saith unto the people, “The armies of the West hath been given up for lost, and lo! being of weak mind and unsound body, they wilt die in the desert.
“For being subjected to the foolishness of the king of the West, and the heat of the land, their bodies will lie as rot for the birds of the air, and the beasts of the field, and them of the armies of Iraq will feast on them and take their armaments. For even now the armies of the coalition are in a quagmire, and doom! doom is near, likeunto them that hath fought in the land of Vietnam.”
Part 6 of 10, describing events three years after the facts:
Chapter 6
And it came to pass, on the seventeenth day of the third month, according to the time of the land of the West, in the third year of the reign of George, that the king of the West came unto the people, and unto them that dwelleth in the nations of the earth, and unto the people in the land of Iraq, and in the deserts.
And the king said unto them, “The armies of the land of the West shall not withhold wrath, and we shall not turn our faces from this evil, nor shall we suffer it to stand in our midst.
“Behold, the king of Iraq, being of unsound judgment, has not obeyed the edicts of the great council, especially Resolution 1441, nor has he regarded the common law of the people, nor of his own god.”
Then George, the king of the West, spake directly to the king of Iraq, and did make such offer of peace unto him, saying, “Therefore the king of the West and the armies will attack the land of Iraq unless thou, the king of Iraq, and thy sons, do not give thyselves up to the armies of the West, and unto the people of thy land, to render fair judgment on thy wickedness.”
For the sons of the king of Iraq were just as wicked as their father, and did walk in his ways, and did murder and pillage, and buildeth many palaces unto themselves, and took many wives, and did slay many of the people, and their women and children.
And George said unto the ruler of Iraq, and unto his sons, “Behold, the armies of the West giveth thee 48 hours to surrender thyself unto our will, and at such time as thy does not, we shall come against thee and thy armies with sword and with arrows.”
And the people of the West who hath come against their king with stringed instruments, and with bongo drum and electric guitar, did cast off their garments again, and crieth out, “The king of the West is surely mad, and behold, even likeunto Hitler he is, and wilt slay many without provocation.
“For though the king of Iraq doth offer goodwill, and allow the spies of the nations into his land, the king of the West, and of the nations, wilt destroy him, and will slay millions, and wilt incite the anger of the Arab street, and wilt destroy the earth with disease and with pestilence.”
Nevertheless the king of the West, being of strength and bearing much longsuffering, waiteth to the end of the 48 hours, and his servants and commanders did wait with him.
For George, and Dick and Donald, and the other commanders and generals of the armies of the West, kneweth in their hearts that the king of Iraq would not surrender peacefully, nor would he show his face to the armies of the West, nor to the world.
This marks the halfway point in this 10-part series: the “King James Version” of the conflict three years ago.
Chapter 5
And it came to pass that them of the criers that did speak unto the people on the radio, with laughter and with teaching of thought, did speak unto the people of the West also, by reason and by remembrance of history and by mockings of them that lieth naked in the streets.
And Rush, the son of Limbaugh, did cometh unto the people with speech and with laughter, saying unto them, “Them that lieth in the streets are fools, and do ill to the land of the West, and to its people, and to the king of the West, and to the king’s God. For lo! being of unsound mind, they follow their feelings and the laws of their own devices, and do not pay heed to the laws of the land, nor to the laws of nature and of warfare.”
And likewise did come unto the people many other sayers and thinkers, to advise the people, and to recall the founding of the nation, and of the purpose behind the great wars fought by the West, even against the Barbarians and the Scythians.
These were their names:
Of the tribe of Hannity, Sean, who did speaketh much on the radio, and on Fox News.
Of the tribe of the North, Oliver, who had fought and won honor with the armies of the West.
Of the tribe of Coulter, Ann, a prophetess from the east, with many a mocking, and with short skirts.
Of the tribe of savages, Michael, who did speak on the radio, and did utter contempt against the kings of France, and of Germany.
And there came on the Fox News one called Bill, the son of O’Reilly, who did scorn the words of the kings of France and of Germany.
And Bill said to the people, “Let us come together against the lands of France, and of Germany, and make war against them, nay, not with swords or spears, but by words, and by withholding our gold and silver.
“Let us set our faces against them, and by not buying their goods, and their wines and cheeses and their bottled mineral water, we shall showeth them our ill will, and cause their merchants to protest against the commandments of their kings, and against the word of their ambassadors.”
And thus many of the people of the West came together, and cast away their goods which had come from the merchants of France, and of Germany, and did resolve to keep from their hands any goods bearing the seal of those nations, and of their merchants, until such time as the kings of the nations changed their minds.
And it came to pass that the king of Iraq did relent, and did appear to turn from his wickedness for a time, and did send messages unto the kings of the earth, and unto the great council, and unto the king of the West, saying unto them, “Lo! I am as a dog, and wilt allow spies from the great council to come into our midst, and wilt allow soldiers to enter my land, and will not withhold secrets from them, nor will I shew them aggression by sword or by arrow.”
Whereby the members of the great council arose, and did go forth into the land of Iraq, and the king did show them many wonders, and many tents in the desert, and did send his servants to aid them, even to prepare the tents beforehand, and to feed them well with wines and with cheeses, and with caviar.
And the spies and the soldiers of the council went throughout the land, and did search, and said that they had found no smoking guns, nor did they claim to discover any weapons of mass destruction.
But Colin, the friend of the king, was in great distress, having been in council with the king and with Tenet, also called George, the commander of the spies of the West.
And in the fifth day of the second month, in the third year of the king’s reign, Colin did travel to the eastern city, and to the chambers of the council of the nations, and did sit there among them, and rent his clothes, saying unto them, “The king of Iraq doth act deceptively, and his lies are many, even as the gravel of a sea shore.”
And Colin did shew them many sights, and photographs, and documents provided by Tenet the commander of the spies.
Colin said unto the council, “By knowing beforehand the places to which the spies will travel, the king hath taken his secret weapons out of those places before they even get there.
“Wherefore even now, the servants of the king are following the spies of the council all over the place, and wilt prevent them from finding anything, even unto death.”
But the ambassador of the land of Iraq spake in the chambers of the council, and said unto the others, “The king of the West is a fool, and likewise the servant of the king, Colin, being likeunto the son of a camel. For behold, our king does not deceive, but Colin, being a fan of the films of the West, hast put together movies of his own, laden with many a fake photo and with special effects and pictures formed by computer.”
And the kings and ambassadors of France, and of Germany, being of great distress, and with sackcloth and ashes, saith unto Colin, and unto the rulers of the West, “We agree with them that dwelleth in Iraq, and thou art a fool, and thy hath made pretend films of thy own, in effort to deceive the peoples of the nations, and of this council.”
And them that lieth in the streets did get up, and did put on their garments, and did go forth unto the cities yet again, and did get themselves noticed by the criers, and by the websites and wire services, and the newspapers and TV stations.
And waving signs on sticks, they spake unto the people yet again, with loud voice, shouting, “Behold, the kings of the West and of Britain are warmongers, and they doth desire the riches and gold of the land of Iraq, and wilt bring Armageddon, and do not desire peace.
“For behold! the king of the West is likeunto Hitler, as we have said, and we offer proof of this on our signs, which bear the likeness of the king of the West, and of a mustache we have drawn on his lip.
“Therefore the king of the West is likeunto Hitler, and must be destroyed, according to our will and of the will of our gods.”
But the kings of the land of Britain, and of Spain, and of Italy and Australia, did agree with the king of the West, and offereth the help of their armies, and of gold and silver.
The king of Britain did come unto George with many a blessing, and with hugs and wise words, and saith unto him and the world, “Blessed be George, who hast spoken the truth, and hast decided fairly against the land of Iraq, and against Iraq’s king.”
And from his palace the king of the West received word that the king of Iraq mocketh the West, and did utter great contempt and blasphemies against the LORD and heaven.
And George did say unto himself, “The land of the West is divided, and the people that dwelleth in the land are not of one purpose. Yet I will not waver, nor will I turn from the evil that is in Iraq, neither will any more of their kind of wickedness ever reach this land.”
Whereupon George sent messengers to Dick and Donald, and to Colin, and to Tenet, commander of the spies of the West, also called George, saying unto them, “We shall send armies to the friendly lands surrounding Iraq, and in preparing for war, we will nevertheless seek to make peace with the king of Iraq, and with much strong speech, perhaps disarm him without firing a bow.”
Upon hearing the word of the king, Donald did arise, and did summon the commanders of his armies, and his generals, and the captains of the guard.
Therefore the commanders, generals and captains did go forth, across the land of the West, and did send out great ships across the sea, and did send up winged craft to the heavens, which did soar above the seas and landeth on the ships, going to and fro.
And the men of the armies of the West did gird themselves for battle, and bade farewell to their loved ones, and their wives and children.
And in the tenth month of the second year of his reign, the king of the West, desiring not to send the armies of the West into battle without trying beforehand all other paths of choice, did come into the great eastern city, and unto the great council of the peoples, and of the nations of the earth, and of their kings and servants.
Then the king spake unto them with many words, saying unto them, “The nation of Iraq hath fallen into iniquity, and their sins hath reached unto the LORD, and doth violate the law of the common people and the nations. Therefore let us come against the land of Iraq, and Iraq’s king, in one accord, so that we may keep the law of the people, and the commandments of this council.
“For, having great wisdom, them that dwelleth in this council and in these chambers hath before come against Saddam, the king of Iraq, and did passeth many a commandment, forbidding the passing of trade between the land of Iraq and other nations, and forbidding the weapons of mass destruction formed by the king and by the king’s servants.”
And there arose from the council chambers a great clamor, and with many words and messengers, the kings of the nations of the earth, and their servants and aides, did thus debate among themselves.
And the kings of France and Germany and Russia, being many of one accord and with singular purpose, sent messengers unto the king of the West, saying, “It is as you have said. We agree that the king of Iraq hath done much wickedness. But after agreeing thus, we therefore do also agree that not much shall we do, and we shall do very little.
“Whereupon we also shall not agree with thy devices against the people of Iraq, nor will we show our face unto them, nor send one arrow over the walls of their cities.”
And them that dwelleth in the West who did already gathereth themselves together in the cities with their instruments and with shouts, did shout furthermore, and did gird themselves for their battle, and did come forth again into the cities, saying, “Wisdom belongeth to the kings of France, and of Germany and of Russia, and of many of the other kings of the earth, but not to our king, nor to his God.”